The Trek

Oh man. I had forgotten how draining the trip to China can be. I had to leave the house at 4am to catch my plane on time so, being the genius that I am, I decided that I would just stay up all night. Bad idea. Felt like crap all day and I was struggling to stay awake in the airports. In fact, let’s talk about the airports. If you are flying make sure you have AT LEAST 2 ½-3 hours in between flights because if you’re a moron like me you’re going to get lost in LAX or OHARE trying to find the international flights and then some Indian guy with a horrendous accent who works for the airport will point you in the wrong direction. I had just twenty minutes to make my connecting flight to Shanghai from Los Angeles. Twenty f*cking minutes to figure out I was going the wrong way, get to the international departures, check in with China Eastern Air, get through security, and sprint to my plane.
Now let’s talk about China Eastern. Those people are fantastic. I’ve had positive experiences across the board with them. When I was late for my plane the lady at the check-in desk came with me to security and pretty much jumped me to the front of a line with about 400 people in it. What a sweetheart. And then when I tried to thank her she was already gone.  Another thing with China Eastern is that 9 out of 10 of their flight attendants are attractive young ladies whereas 98% of American flight attendants look like busted Daytona strippers. On every flight I’ve been on they give you free beverages and snacks while most American airlines are starting to charge or cut down portions. What a bunch of douches. AND Chinese airline food tastes better in my opinion.
I got to the plane as they were about to leave so there was barely any overhead luggage space left. Why do these people try to squeeze in these huge bags so there’s no room left for others? Anyway, I was in the center aisle between a guy, his wife and baby, and another guy who turned out to be okay. Me and him talked for what seemed like forever. I looked at my watch and we still had 14 hours left in the flight! It’s torture. Even if you fall asleep for 9 hours you still have an obscenely long flight. Now let’s talk about the movies I had to endure. A bunch of crappy comedy romances followed by the most retarded Chinese cop movie I’ve ever seen in my life. A robot time cop travels back from the future to battle cyborgs who have praying mantis claws and dragons for hands, he lives in disguise with his robot daughter who somehow doesn’t know she’s a robot and a lady cop falls in love with him but he can’t love her because he’s from the future and then there’s some fights and the movie is over. Terrible special effects throughout. If you can’t afford good SFX for a sci-fi movie then you don’t do the movie. But what blew me away was that all the Chinese people on the plane loved it while the westerners were scratching their heads in confusion. And East Asian people wonder why most of their cultural stuff doesn’t make it over here.
I ended up watching the dad next to me play Plants vs Zombies on his laptop, which isn’t as lame as it sounds, and enduring the god awful drone of plane engines. Aside from a 2 hour delay in Shanghai everything went fine and Jen and her mother were waiting for me at the airport at 2am. What a relief to finally see her again!