I know that sounds strange and most of the people who read this are probably rolling their eyes. I’ve had this mark on my arm, what looks to me like a burn scar, for the past couple weeks. I don’t remember burning myself. And believe me, I would remember. I tolerate cuts and bruises no problem but I whine my ass off over a burn. I was lying in bed last night and just happened to touch the “burn.” For some reason I started thinking about aliens. I daydream ALL the time so that’s not very unusual. And then I remembered a show about alien abduction I had seen a while ago about a guy who claimed to have had experiences with extraterrestrials . In it, he undergoes surgery to remove something that’s been causing him discomfort and what they pull out is a bizarre piece of metal composed of elements not known on Earth. I looked at the strange mark on my arm and flipped my shit. I tried to rationalize it and explain it away. It doesn’t hurt like a burn is supposed to. It isn’t a ringworm. It isn’t Lyme disease. It isn’t a rash or anything.
So as I went through my closet at 3am looking for my 30 year old metal detector, I tried to think about why aliens would want to put something inside me (no homo) and I remembered a little spat I got into with some UFO fanatics a while back. There’s a forum for UFO believers to share their tales or express hopes for meeting aliens one day. I was just looking up alien stuff to satisfy my momentary curiosity on the subject. I clicked on a topic regarding Nordic aliens.
Aryans from space.
There was this guy tooting his own horn about how he had all these experiences with them and these other people who stroked his ego by acting all impressed. The guy, let’s call him Dbag, was totally insufferable so I started trollin’. I reamed him. Hard. Dbag said, and I quote, “I’ve been implanted in my brain. The Nords can see what you said and they don’t like it.” This inevitably brought about more trollin’ until I got banned from the forums. Did the aliens actually get mad because I was bustin’ their boys balls? Who knows? It's probably just a bunch of hippity hoopla about nothing. I’ll update as the situation develops. In the meantime check out the world famous abductee Antonio Villas Boas. A Brazilian would be so lucky. I’m sure that story inspired an entire generation of crazy pornos. Peace out!